I'll be 60 years old in January 2012 - kind of daunting to think about really. I never really thought I'd be 60. That was really old years ago. I don't feel old even though it's harder to get up from the sofa when my ankles and legs don't seem to want to move quite so quickly. I wonder somedays who that woman is looking at me in the mirror with wrinkles around her eyes. These eyes though seem to be much wiser than the ones I imagine should be looking at me.
They have seen happiness, sorrow and pain, the joy of children being born, of marriage, of divorce and death.
The laughter has included the birth of two children - watching a son ride his bike finally jumping a ramp he had built, play football and graduate on a field of Army recruits, of adopting a child and finally knowing she is his. Of a daughter playing with her dolls preparing for the day she would have one of her own, of cheering her high school team, later having that child and realizing how much a Mommy can love and finally marrying the man who makes her happy.
They have seen tears shed and shed many of their own over hurt feelings, some legitimate and some not, and sorrow and disappointment. When your children hurt, you hurt and you want to fix it, but it's usually impossible, but you do hope for a future in which they will find happiness.
It's been a heck of a year, but we end it with Karli happy, Scooter happy and therefore Karl and me happy. Who could ask for more than that for their kids?
Of course, there have been the downs - Daddy died, Ashlynn moved to far away, Karl lost a second job in a year and Scooter finished out the year by losing his job. I figure though after losing Daddy most other things dim in the process. I realize now jobs come and go and life isn't nearly so bad as I had thought before hand.
It's much harder to lose a parent than I ever thought. We lost my father-in-law years ago and I thought that was devastating. I am now reminded of devastation. I thought I understood how others felt, but I really had no idea of the hopelessness you feel knowing your Daddy is gone and there will be no more hugs, no more be careful Baby and don't drive so fast and finally the one thing I heard way to few times, I love you. Just a couple weeks before he died, in fact the last time I talked with him, Daddy reminded me before I left him to talk to Mama, I love you Baby. Oh Lord, I do so very much miss you Daddy.
So what does this next year hold for us? Good question - I've made resolutions that I never make, but this is a different year - you see, in case I didn't think to say so yet, I'll turn 60 this year. I hope though that 2012 is a year of fun, of adventure and of LIFE.
Happy New Year everyone.
